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    The title of this blog post pretty much some this up in a few words. Maniacs, daydreamers and selfish assholes. These make up in my estimation a staggering 75% of licensed drivers and riders currently cruising the Maltese Islands. It is something that I personally experience at least a few times every day. And from what I can gather, it seems that nobody really gives a f***. What an absolute shame.

    Let’s start ourselves with the Maniacs. You know who I am talking about. Those knobheads who seem to like driving juuust that little bit too much. The meatheads whom most likely pull one off at least once a day, watching reruns of the 150 and counting Fast and Furious franchise movies. Dickwads who believe each journey is just another lap around Marinello behind the wheel of a Ferrari SF71H, Schumacher style.

    These OzUncut labelled maniacs are readily identified mostly by the style with which they drive on the road. Very fast, and very furious. Driving at high speeds, weaving in and out of everyday motorists, trying to find a “driving line”. These shit heels are the worst and most dangerous of all. Not only are they willing to put their lives and their passengers lives at risk, they couldn’t give a giant walrus turd who and what might be in their way. And who they may put in danger. Maniacs, I hate you f***ers the most.

    Moving along, I am sure I am not the only one who has experienced “the daydreamer”. This seemingly harmless creature, whilst usually timid and slow, has the potential to be every bit as dangerous as the above mentioned maniac. The modus operandi of the day dreamer is easily identified, as they drift over lane lines with irresponsible disregard for all around. Sometimes, they may be doing something daft and illegal, like texting while driving. Whilst on other occasions I can only assume they are as dumb as a f***ing turkey. And simply cannot seem to understand the law. That there are two lines and you must stay between them at all mother f***ing times.

    I mean it is not rocket science for god sake. I am pretty sure at one point, they had to know that this “staying between the lines” was an actual thing. And important. Right? I mean they had to know that to get a license in the first place no? So what happened? Did they just forget over time? Or as is my suspicion, have they long forgotten, like much of the world, what it is like to respect those around you? I say this with all honesty, when I encounter these day dreamers, I start having visions of forcing them off the road and beating them shamelessly with my smelly old flip flop. Grinds my f***ing gears.

    And last, but definitely not least in any way, is the SELFISH ASSHOLE. The creme de la creme douche canoe of the motoring world and to some extent, also a maniac. These very special creatures not only truly don’t give a s**t about their fellow drivers, but take extra special pleasure in f***ing them over big time. For example, you will be sitting patiently in traffic, perhaps in a certain lane to go a certain direction. Your doing the right thing and obeying the law while respecting your fellow drivers. The selfish asshole, will use the far less busy lane designated for another direction, and without a care in the world cut in front of you back into your lane where you have waited half an hour to go 100 meters. A dick move made by a dick head.

    And then there is the scenario where two lanes are merging into one. You know you have the advantage, you are in front and have the right of way. HOWEVER anus maximus, aka the selfish asshole, will continue going until he or she makes YOU yield. This particular manouvre infuriates me almost to the point of… let me not say it. Other selfish asshole moves include, changing lanes abruptly without using an indicator. Riding the ass of another vehicle, giving the driver a sense of panic and anxiety. Double parking, running a red light, not stopping for pedestrian crossings. And BEEPING THE F***KING HORN IN TRAFFIC, like doing so will make all the other cars mysteriously disappear. You disrespectful, egotistical, narcissistic wankers.

    Finally, I would like to briefly discuss a very sensitive bunch known as motorcyclists. Now, I am not talking to every last one of you here, but there is a great amount of you out there who fit into either the Maniac or Selfish Asshole categories. I mean, seriously. What is it that makes you think that because you are on a motorcycle all of a sudden drivers have to keep an extra special imaginary third eye out for you? Sorry, it is most definitely the other way round. Trust me you have more to lose. Don’t automatically think that I have to share my f***ing lane with you. It’s my lane and i have every right to be in it. Wait your god damn turn and stay in line.

    The way I look at it, if you are the type of motorcyclist who will zip in between two cars in full motion in between lanes, you are a maniac and a selfish asshole and are putting your own life at risk. So don’t then go and blame me when I inch a bit either way in my own lane and you feel yourself getting squeezed. Respect the traffic rules like us drivers and take over legally. I understand in stand still traffic that a motorcycle can slowly make its way down the middle to avoid getting stuck. That is different and is fine. Zipping between moving cars is a douche move and will result in a bad situation for you, eventually.

    I have had cases in the past few weeks alone, where I have motorcyclists passing both between me and another car, and on my inside at the very same time. I almost had a f***king heart attack and almost swerved not to hit one. Motorcyclists of Malta, take a god damn chill pill and ride responsibly.

    At the end of the day what does it all boil down to? Humans not giving two s***s about other humans. As with the situation with the environment, littering and all types of general mannerisms, people seem to only really care about themselves and maybe their closest. Everyone else can apparently just go and get FUCKED. If you have read this blog piece and suddenly realised you are a maniac, day dreamer or selfish asshole, I state to you this one final thing. Take the time to understand the responsibility you have whether you are on four or two wheels. And how it may effect others.

    Think beyond the obvious very limited boundaries you set for yourself and realise in this world there is more than just one person. Perhaps then you would not be widely known as a TWAT.


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    1. Darren Muscat

      I am not the best driver in the world, but i am patient.

      Once I had a motorcyclist trying to overtake me while I was turning. (Had my indicator on) scared the shit out of me.

      To make matters worse he stopped to offend me like it wasn’t his f6 fault.

      All in all, I agree with everything you wrote.

      1. davidoziborg

        Thank you. The situation is bloody ridiculous.

    2. Andrew Sciberras

      ‘How to use a roundabout for dummies’ should be published and distributed to everyone.

      1. davidoziborg


    3. David Xuereb

      Hilarious but oh so exact, I think you named all the sectors man, I salute you 👌😎👍

      1. davidoziborg

        Thank you

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