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    Let me start off by saying, as a man, I know fuck all about cars. Don’t know about engines, spark plugs, oil changes, panel beating and so on. I could throw on the spare tire in a dire situation, but shit, I would still prefer someone else did it for me. I must confess, as a man, I also know fuck all about plumbing. If I were to try and touch anything electrical there is a very high probability that I would kill myself and anyone in the general vicinity.

    Continuing to make my point, as a man, I know fuck all about plastering and painting. I tried it once or twice, bloody disaster. I know equally fuck all about carpentry, can’t build no cabinets, repair no beds or anything like that. On a good day I could throw up a shelf or two amidst a pool of sweat and several undesirable words that would offend probably even Ricky Gervais. But otherwise no chance. I don’t fix doors, lay tiles, put in new windows or anything else you could imagine that historical man probably was born to do.

    Car Engine? Mechanic? Nope…

    You see, I was not born into that type of world. I did not have that figure around the house who would take on his/her own projects, drag the little man along and show him the ropes. Nope didn’t happen. In fact, I had zero exposure to any of that stuff growing up, AT ALL. Admittedly, I did have the opportunity for one whole week during the latter stages of high school to take on some work experience. I joined my best mates dad on the job for a week doing concrete formwork.

    Concrete formwork, for those not in the know, is the frames they build to pour the concrete into to give it shape. They did a lot of staircases, platforms, floors and ceilings etc, whilst I mostly gathered their tools and walked for hours getting them coffee and lunch. The little bit of actual work I did do, I realised it was fucking tough as hell, and I hated it. It was safe to say from that moment, I was never going to find myself working as a laborer.

    Now, to the point of this little article. Deep, deep, deep, deep, like I am talking really deep, deep down I feel a little ashamed that I don’t know how to do any of these things. Or never took any interest in them. All around I see different generations of people building, repairing, working on this, working on that. It makes me feel that I am not the full manly package somehow. Then there is the dreaded words that every husband will hear at least once in their lives… “hon, can you fix this?” In a micro moment I go from being 6’2″ and 140 kg to pea size. It seems to be some kind of sub-conscious, natural reflex.

    Me during my concrete formwork days… (if you believe that your blind as five bats)

    So that is where I ask myself the question? What kind of may am I? Modern man? Different man? Lazy man? Lesser man? I think it is a valid question and I am not quite sure I have the answer. Let’s look a little closer at all those above stated variations of man. See where it takes us. Let us start with the obvious, in my case at least, lazy man. It would be the biggest fucking lie, ever, if I tried to con you into believing that I wasn’t lazy when it comes to the physical side of life. I am, it’s fact, we move on.

    Different man? Historically, I am talking pre 1960’s, the perception of both man and woman’s role in society was quite different that it is today. Man was the provider. The hunter, the gatherer, the fixer. While woman was the glue that kept it all together, sort of the manager without the title or benefits (sorry ladies, it should have never been so). Today though, things are hugely different. There are far fewer social pressures of such like. More so, people develop as a product of their environment growing up. Whatever that may have been.

    For example, If your dad (or mum, let’s keep it politically correct here) was a laborer, likely you would have picked up some of those skills along the way. If your dad (or mum, let’s keep it politically correct here) were more the corporate, middle class types it’s probably less likely. I think different man, can work in the current climate, I could probably accept that. I can accept myself as being different from “that” man.

    Signor Grim. He is just dying for me to take a crack at the electrics!

    How about modern man? As mentioned, times have changed. Society has changed. Life is hectic, time is fleeting and individuals are more likely to spend what little time they have focused on family or individual hobbies they enjoy. All the more when a far greater proportion of society these days can afford to hire somebody to fix their broken. Modern man as a term I think is acceptable. I fit into modern man category.

    Finally, lesser man. Absolutely fucking not. Well, hold on. Deep down, being a boy of the eighties and still a little old fashioned, I occasionally fall into the trap of believing being the stereotypical “Mr. Handyman” goes hand in hand with having a twig and two berries. But I also believe it is certainly not the appropriate way of thinking in this day and age. So lesser man, hell no. I accept this not.

    Not quite, but somewhere in between!

    I guess in reality, who you are as a man, woman or someone gender neutral, depends on who you were raised to be and who you want to be. Simple as that. Sure, social or historical pressures may on the odd occasion raise their ugly head from time to time. But ignore them, just be who you want to be. End of. At this time I choose to be a lazy, no plumbing, no electric, no plastering, painting or carpentry, no mechanic or no fix it guy of any type. In addition, I am more than happy to pay the professionals of such skills for their services. Judge me at your own peril Handy Manny.

    THE END.

    P.s. In case you have read this and suddenly decided you have a burning desire to quit your current lesser man lifestyle to become “that man”, you know, him, then I suggest you visit the following website. Good luck with your journey. 🙂 HOW TO BECOME A HANDY MAN

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    1. Stephen bugeja

      As a person , who very easily can turn a 5 min job into a whole days work , and have some one to come out and fix up what I actually did , I can relate to the Oz meisters words . We are not lesser beta men , not by any means . We are just different . We are not the equivalent of the swiss army knife man , we are just men .

      1. davidoziborg

        Hahaha. I hear ya pal.

    2. Yosef Scerri


    3. Danny

      Choosing a woman whose father is able to fix, build, paint and do all the jobs I don’t want to do (like myself) comes very handy! I could give you his number, but he is retired with just 2 clients, his daughters. PS: I choose life, I choose the bloody sofa every day! 😛

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