A NEW DIRECTION

As I sit down to write this I am feeling low. Very low. I could try and tell the world otherwise, that I am happy as Larry, but I would only be kidding myself. Lying to myself is unhealthy and hinders my recovery. So no point in doing it. The last few months have brought several changes in my life, some for the better, some that were painful. I don’t like change.

I have always had a problem with change. It is not something in life that I deal very well with. I am comfortable with familiarity, I function best with routine and I am function best when I am in surroundings that I trust. That is just me, although I get a sense I am not the only of my kind. The past few months have to some extent torn me apart.

The introduction of a COVID 19 world was tough on all, the illusion of our safety was removed. Life ground to a startling halt. People are getting sick, people are dying. There were major restrictions on our movement, in some cases still so. People have lost their jobs, their lively hood. We have all had to make changes and adapt. But I don’t adapt well. In my case, I was forced to make a decision that I really didn’t want to make. I was put in a situation where I felt I had no choice but to make a change, that truly I didn’t want to make. But for my overall sanity and well being, had to. It’s done, I must accept it and try my utmost to move on.

Recently we have all had time to think, reassess, reevaluate. I have reflected long and hard about my life in so many different ways. This very platform, OzUncut, was something I have given much thought to. A big part of me thought, maybe still thinks that it is time to let it go. What am I trying to achieve with it? What does it offer? Why would people engage with it? I think over the past couple of years since it’s inception it has gone through phases.

I wanted it in the beginning to be something real. Something from my heart. A place where people could come and read about real life emotions, challenges, difficulties, milestones, achievements, moments of real joy. Along the way, that got lost. It became about clicks and likes. Getting more people to try and read each article. Trying to get sponsors and advertisers. I hate that I ended up there and I no longer want to be that guy. I despise social media and its prime function, for people to gain false notoriety. It’s all a sham you know, it doesn’t exist, and, it’s extremely unhealthy.

About a week ago I decided that I would let OzUncut die. I would stop writing, let it fade out, eventually take it down. I was sure it was the right decision. Events of this week however have changed my mind. For this week I have been more mentally unhealthy than I have been in a very long time. I have been depressed, sad, angry, anxious and have allowed all those old feelings that I have lived with for so long start to take grip once more. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES CAN I ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN.

At some point, I wanted this blog to be about helping myself and helping others. I find that when I sit down at my laptop and get it all out, it helps ventilate all that of which I have a terrible habit of compressing deep within. It helps me fit in a world where at times I don’t feel like I belong. It simply, just helps. I have also been told it helps others. Persons who can perhaps identify with the weekly challenges I face. Some who can read and realise they are not alone in this world, and in how they feel.

So from this day forth that is what OzUncut will be. I will write about myself and how the world affects me. About my struggles, challenges and setbacks, and how I deal with them. I will share the achievements I make and let you in as I continue to grow, always trying to achieve the absolute best version of me.

If you want to read along, and in some way it helps you, that makes me happy. If nobody reads it I don’t care either. This is not about popularity or likes. It’s about my journey to be better, nothing more nothing less. I will write when I want and not because I feel I have to. Most importantly I will be honest, with anyone who may follow along, but most importantly with myself.

You will notice that I will only use one image as a header to each entry in the blog I write. This will not reflect the article in anyway. Instead it will be a scene of peace and serenity. I believe that we sometimes get lost in the hustle and bustle of the lives we lead. I also believe that a simple picture can help remind us that we can find calm in this world.

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Discussion

  1. loidis

    Stay strong Oz .. YNWA

  2. Steve

    I have always admired your honesty. As a regular listener to you on the radio, thanks for the laughs and memories. It is nice to have a platform on which we could hear from you. Stay strong and never lose hope. Coming from a person with similar problems.

  3. Gina

    I think you’re such a brave person to write about yourself in such a way, so honestly… I really admire you for that! 😊

  4. Zelda Zerafa

    I’m really struggling this week too. Good to know I’m not alone. Take care.

  5. Gail

    I believe that many look up to you, as a strong man’s man, which you are by the way and it’s only symptomatic of your depression that you ever doubt that, so I feel that sharing yourself and what you’re doing through with the world might allow others to step forward, I feel your blog is a great way to fight the stigma around mental health. I for one find it interesting as a mental health professional and I’m pretty sure there are many others who also care, not least because having heard your voice for so many years allows one to feel a connection, even though it’s one-sided! There are many people who care deeply about you whom you have never even met, your decision to continue your blog is a great one!

  6. Stephen

    As always , to the point .
    Our life and it’s road can be effected by outside influences.
    You bare your thoughts as a healing process, and that helps others too realise that they are not alone .
    2020 hasn’t been easy for any of us .
    You rock and are a beacon to us all .

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